This is an excerpt from our book. You can get our book here.

Diving into the world of Cuckolding, you stumble upon a narrative so slick and persuasive it almost seems like weird type of gospel. This story paints a universe where all women are on an endless hunt for the so-called “superior alpha males,” ready to jump ship at the first sight of one, leaving their current partners in the dust. It’s a narrative that’s as neat as it is nifty, offering up a one-size-fits-all explanation for the rough patches every couple hits: the honeymoon phase ending, increased stress, and that feeling of just coexisting rather than truly being together.

Cuckolding answers this by saying that this relationship never was supposed to be “happy” or “equal” but always was determined to fail because the man in that relationship was never truly desired and the woman was always supposed to seek out someone else eventually. Presenting women as some homogeneous group driven solely by the pursuit of “alpha males” doesn’t just sell them short; it completely misses the mark on the depth and diversity of women’s desires and motivations. We will explore those in a later chapter in more detail as well.

Who Wants A Cuckold Relationship?

When you peek behind the curtain, it turns out that Cuckolding is primarily driven by men. It is usually men who want to introduce their partners to it. It is men who ask for advice in forums or Reddit, and it is usually men who write desperate posts about their partners having shot the idea down. The internet is chock-full of guys looking for women willing to dip their toes into the Cuckolding waters. This clearly highlights who’s really driving this effort.

It is simply not women who are all seeking out Cuckolding relationships. While we do not want to claim that there aren’t women out there who enjoy Cuckolding or might even seek it out for nefarious reason, generally speaking the vast majority of people interested in and promoting the fetish are men.

Most of what you find in the Cuckolding universe—stories, videos, forum posts—is by and for men. This cycle of creation and consumption underlines the fetish’s gendered blueprint, where male fantasies take the front seat, steering the narrative and framing women’s desires in a way that’s more about male daydreams (or deep-seated fears) than real-life female sexuality.

This is also apparent when a lot of cuckold stories, captions and even some porn is inspected without “horny glasses”. The wording often matches the exact fears and angst that Cuckolding is all about. The language usually reintroduces the same “alpha/beta” mindset that is so prevalent in Cuckolding lore.

Recognizing the lies at the heart of Cuckolding is crucial! The narratives it promotes are not reflections of reality or genuine insights into female desire. Instead, they are fabrications that serve to perpetuate certain fantasies at the expense of real, nuanced understanding of relationships and sexuality.

Confronting these lies means acknowledging that the challenges and fluctuations in intimacy and connection are part of the shared human experience, not evidence of an immutable natural order. It requires a willingness to engage with the complexities of relationships, to communicate openly with partners, and to work collaboratively through the difficulties that arise.

Challenging Ideas

We understand that a lot of people reading this chapter do often not agree with it. They will write us and tell us that there clearly are more “alpha” males and obviously they do see women being drawn to them. However, it is important to understand that there is basically no scientific evidence for this. There is a lot of pseudo- and bro-science by people who have a very limited understanding of evolution and psychology. Do you ever wonder why those people seem to usually teach on YouTube, porn blogs or internet forums instead of running institutions and research labs?

Yes, women – just as men actually – are usually drawn to people that seem somewhat independent, not needy, and like they can provide stability in some sense. Of course, physical attraction and social skills do play a role. But if you do feel like these are areas where you are lacking, your destiny isn’t to be a Cuckold, your destiny is to work on yourself and improve in these areas. Cuckolding offers an easy way out: oh, instead of working on myself, I can simply pity myself.

As we’ve learned in the last chapters Cuckolding offers very convenient answers for a range of difficult emotions, complexities and situations. It is the short cut that lets you keep feeling down while getting a tiny bit of pleasure through it. It is however not at all the truth.

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